Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
