Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
