youre lurking in front of me
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
