The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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