wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
