i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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