I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
