3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
