I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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