At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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