I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she smelled like a LAN party
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
