Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
