Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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