thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
