How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
