Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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