I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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