what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
