Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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