went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
