...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I am never drinking with the goths again.
not ubering you a puppy
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
