i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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