I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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