Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
