ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just invented taco cereal.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
