I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
