My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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