dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
