I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
how drunk are you?
Several
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
