this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
