sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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