he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
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