Im at strip club and am horny
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
