Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
