Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you didnt know i had herpes?
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this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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