Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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