Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just had sex bonerless
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He shit in the fireplace
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
