when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
