So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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