it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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