i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
