I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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