hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
