The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
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