Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
