He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
