It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
