It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
