I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
