Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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