I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I deserve this hangover.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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