I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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