Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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