I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
