it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize