Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
50% drunk capacity currently
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Everyone says I win the strip club
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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