you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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