Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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