I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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