Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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