If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Randomize
