so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
