His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
