I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize