I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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