I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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