Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
