At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
