I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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