I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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