I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
