yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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