I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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