just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
my shit smells like andre
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
