before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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